Loneliness can hit all of us at different times our lives. For some of us, that’s this moment. I’m not talking about enjoying time alone. Being on your own can be nurturing. You feel the beauty of nature, soothing in its rhythms and patterns. Or you find that time and space alone, away from the intensity of others’ expectations and dramas, is just what you need to find perspective, rebalance, to get back in touch with yourself. No bridge, no bonds
No, loneliness is very different. It’s feeling isolated and disconnected from others. We seem to be in one place and others in another – and there’s no bridge. When we’re lonely, we lose our bonds with others. We may feel anxious, unsure, or unsettled. And many times, we might not even be able to identify our feeling. Except that we’re missing something important.
We can be around people, and people be relying upon us. But there’s nothing alive between us and them. You feel unseen, and unheard. You’re cut off. Feeling like this really zaps our life energy, and if not addressed, it can lead to ill health and dysfunctional relationships.
When to do something different
As you probably know. Of course, knowing something and making a change for the better is another thing. At first, feeling lonely is ok. We realise that it’s very human to feel lonely at times, and not unusual. It is when a sense of loneliness endures that problems arise.
If we can’t shake our sense of isolation from others, we need to act. There are some things we can do for ourselves. And we need others to be there too. The problem is we may not tell others.
Studies suggest that younger people are more willing to admit to being lonely, but we should be careful not to assume that loneliness is only a problem for those who say it is. There is a social stigma in saying we’re lonely.
If you look around, it’s hard to tell who’s lonely right now. The more aware we can be of others who might be lonely and needing connection, the better we will all be. We can be sensitive to the problem and be willing to reach out.
Let’s check in with each other. But more fundamentally, let’s check in with ourselves….how connected are we feeling?
Being intentional
I’ve found one thing that really helps, and that’s to be more intentional in my relationships. If I can ask myself, what’s my aim today? I might notice a habit that’s getting in my way. I might be trying to be right. To educate. To be in charge. To feel ‘better than’ others. To insist on respect. Becoming aware of my below-the-radar intention can be eye-opening. It tells me why I might be struggling.
One of the best intentions I’ve discovered is simply to connect with others. I got this idea from my interest in nonviolent communication (NVC), also called compassionate communication. When I value connection above other outcomes, I become conscious of my power to create satisfying relationships, even if it’s only in quick exchanges.
When my intention is to connect, I readily extend goodwill to others and find I expect less from others. I’m more relaxed. I can extend to them what I hope for myself.
You might do something different. I’d love to know what’s helpful to you.
The bottom line is that loneliness cuts us off from each other, and it can hit any of us. Let’s be gentle with ourselves and others, be more aware, and check in more often.